Caring & Interfering

Caring is to take care! Care is an activity involved in maintaining something in good working order! It is also associated with Safety, Feeling, Concern, Anxiety… all focused on preventing and/or treating!! Care denotes being in charge of!, too!

Interfering is to interfere! Getting involved, so as to alter or hinder an action, or through force or threat of force!

Caring requires intervention, but not Interference!

It happens mostly with some of us – possessive (caring?) parents, teachers, mentors and fatherly or motherly figures! We might extend our caring attitude a little too much which turns out to be interference for the recipient. Why is this so?

Caring is a time bound activity – not a lifelong need! Take for example health care! Doctors and hospitals ensure that the care is given till someone recovers, educates them to manage the condition and leave it to the recipient to run on their own – in a systemic and repeatable fashion. I think the schools do the same. There is always – teach, examine, feedback and move forward or backward – but not stay on the same course for ever! But when we miss this “time” factor, we ensure turning caring into interfering!

In parent – child relationships, we seem to forget this time factor and ensure this mess, again and again. Most kids growing up appreciating their parents for all the help, guidance and care – that comes without asking, will soon start hating, avoiding and moving away in their adolescence or teen age! If we miss this signal and continue our unsolicited caring, kids find their own path mostly in the anti-route!

Care without any expectation or ideology seems to remain healthy and appreciated! – life long!! The moment we start influencing our ideology, expectation or own unfulfilled/ desired dreams on our children or similar relationships with loved ones, our caring behavior seems to turn towards interfering!!!

One nugget found on the path is to adopt a key strategy of – Lead, Follow and Get-out-of-the-way!

Leading kids to whatever we feel is the right direction/path, following their adoption/results to help modify the path while we learn from their experiences and getting out of their way when time is ripe for them to create and lead their own paths, definitely reinforces faith in care – a timely, time bound, action to help people have their lives!

I think this is true with all human relationships which are not bound by monetary transactions! So, if we care for someone, I think it is important not to influence own ideology but adopt – Lead, Follow and Get-Out-of-the-Way action plan!