Quick tip about communication
Got a mail from a customer friend…
“It’s been a challenge to speak with this guy in a convincing way. I have tried all tactics in every communication book I could read. We went to the same communication workshop together as well. But no use. I wonder what the issue is.
We just are not communicating. May be we don’t like each other. But, we have been business partners for over last 20 yrs and have literally built and run this multi-million dollar venture, successfully.
We studied together through 5th grade till engineering. Our scholarship savings fuelled the startup cost. Now, we are in the midst of another growth cycle, where we are not cooperating.
We are not listening to each other. What should we do? Since we both know you and you know our business,
Can you help with some intervention to make us listen and communicate?”
He had copied his partner on the mail.
It is unbelievable at first sight that successful business partners feel they need external help for communication between themselves. But in reality, isn’t this true with most of us? Be it with our life partners of decades, parents, kids and friends. Difference may be that we hardly take external help. We take many things for granted. We all have and constantly build our own communication biases in every aspect of acquaintance. At times, we may be more than willing to accommodate others point of view, while in other cases shut listening function unilaterally!
What followed was a quick phone call with both and a patient hearing with some moderation. It turned out that both wanted to go ahead with the plan and had even committed their personal times. But the power of short text messages, shorter emails and infrequent formality, failed to translate their intention to words in the way they both expected it to happen. Instant message stickers had helped them keep the cool for a while and aggravate the situation, most of the time…..
Though they had adopted the current gen technology and vocabulary, they carried their old selves in their minds! They were exchanging a lot and communicating little…
It’s such a simple thing for a pro to believe in the congruence of thought, words and actions… but it’s too complicated for simple folks to get them right without a bit of training. At the same time, in the context of current technology invasion, it might be worthwhile to ask ourselves “What did I Say?” a few more times than usual?
- language is translation, an unconscious choice of words meant to enable others understand what is going on inside and we are trying to convey;
- listening is an unconscious choice of filters dependent on habits, triggers, biases, assumptions and beliefs that surreptitiously and subjectively interpret meaning to maintain the listener’s map of the world.